Diary Entry Hers & His

HER DIARY

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he remained quiet and distant. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and stared at the TV. He just really seemed distant. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.
I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.

The Story of Nookie Green

A man goes to confession in the catholic church... "Father, it as been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month".

The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven Go out and say three Hail Mary's."

Soon after, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest questions, "Who is Nookie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replies.

"Very well, "sighs the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the Priest!

Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?

The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies,

"No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

Joke of the Day

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with
her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and
welcome to Wal-Mart ...
Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"

The woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the
oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7.

Why the hell would you think they're twins? ....... Do you
really think they look alike?

Are you some kind of idiot?"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

Joke of the Day

Testicles of the Texas Midget


The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time.
The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor
told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.

The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining
table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left
testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to
check for a hernia.

"Aha!" mumbled the doc and, as he put his finger under the right testicle, he
asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor again, reached for
his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then
snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement
that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk
around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was
absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were
no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"

The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What
Did you do?"

The doctor replied......."I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy
boots."

Ivonne Flores-#1 AV Idol

Panera Bread in Palmdale California is hosting the AV Stars Pop Idol. Our very own AVC Student is the very first finalist. Monday July 10. 7pm she will be singing first so that all other contestants can hear what they are up against.
Keep this in mind and be there to support her.

"Rock/Pop recording artist, Ivonne is soon to rank #1 on all music charts around the world. With a smashing hit single that is guaranteed to knock all major radio waves and a self-titled album well on its way. Ivonne prepares for what critics assert will be a long-standing music career. Show your support for up-and-coming artist, Ivonne and spread the word. Join now and become a member of her first official street team!"
This is a little blurb from her honey.

Thanks for all who read this and will support her by being there Monday 10 July.

Joke of the Day...

The Miracle of Toilet Paper

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a
suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.
I stopped. " Do you really think rubbing a piece of toiet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again. Stupid, stupid man.

Joke of the day

A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and
shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest
came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy replied,
"This is the most powerful liquid in the world, its called turpentine." The
Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If
you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly,
she'll pass a healthy baby." The little boy replied, "You take some of this
here turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass and he'll pass a Harley Davidson!

The Things People Say, When You're Having Fun!

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

Go Figure

Now That I’m Older

I Thought It Was Great

That I Seemed To Have More Patience.


Turns Out That I Just Don’t Give Shit.